you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
