come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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