She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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