dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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