Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
