and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize