i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
