i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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