I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
