I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
