The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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