you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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