I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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