you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
