if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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