after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
