Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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