if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
