i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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