just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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