I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
