I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
