Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
