I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
