Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
