You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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