I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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