i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
