Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
