I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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