wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
