Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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