I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They have beer where we have blood.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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