Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In America we eat man semen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
