i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
