those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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