i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
