ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
