Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I still have a little drunk in my system
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
