I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
whose parrot is this?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ladies don't puke and tell
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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