That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
