Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
