where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
