i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
