I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
