Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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