We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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