my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
