You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
