im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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