I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
