I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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