I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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