Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
