Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We talked him into tasing himself.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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