we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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