I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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