Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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