I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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