UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
