Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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